#jay’s super short stories 5

I rest my head on my knees, curling into myself. I cannot believe that I’m in this place again, single. Single and betrayed. I was so focused on a future that with him that I hadn’t realised that there wasn’t even a present. I raise my head from my knees and look in the mirror facing my bed. I look awful!! My hair is sticking in every direction, my eyes are red and puffy from all the crying I’ve been doing since last night. I’m a mess!! My dinner from last night is sitting on my bedside table, untouched. I make to pick it up, to take it out of my room and my eyes fall on the bracelet on my wrist. A charm bracelet full of charms that we had picked up to mark our many special moments. His birthday, mine, my landing a job, his promotion, his buying a dog, my getting a bike. Important and silly things, all of which had meant very much to us. I feel the tears rushing back into my eyes and I rest my head on a pillow, taking off the bracelet. I’ve always been a firm believer in time being a healer, and also that every pain in the world was temporary but in this moment I cannot see past this pain. I cannot see a tomorrow, a future on my horizon. How had I been so blind, and for a whole year too! How had I missed the signs? The sudden and frequent ‘work trips’ and how I could never get a hold of him during such trips? The wedding ring from his late wife that he still wore? The way he never spoke about a future of us together? I was foolish and I see now that I really have only myself to blame. He lied, but I made it easy for him to do so. I never asked the questions that would have helped me get to the truth. I had accepted his half-truths and never pried further. I had just gone with the flow and not pressed for the truth, and maybe on some level it was because I had been afraid of what the truth could mean if he wasn’t who he said he was. I have failed myself today. I will sit still and hurt for a little and then when I am done, I will get up, live again and do better.

#jaymaren

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