The un-accused guilty.

the unaccused guilty

A murder has been committed today. Well multiple really. Many women have been killed
and what’s sadder is that their killer will never be punished. He will never even be accused or
suspected. He will walk free. He will live.

Many women have been killed today; a mother, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a cousin,
a neighbor, a friend,an enemy, an acquaintance, a woman. A murder has been committed
and there’s no provision for justice.

A woman has been killed today. The whisperers say it was from natural causes. They say it was
her heart, that she had a disease. How could it be? Her heart was filled with such good things. She
had dreams and hopes. But I know the killer. I see him clearly and I know that he knows it. But he
will walk free. He will live.

A wife has been killed today. The doctors say it was a heart attack. Another ridiculous
assumption. That just doesn’t add up. Her heart would never attack her, how could it? If ever it
would attack, it would be him. It would be her killer. But he will walk free, he will live.

A mother has been killed. Her kids don’t understand it. They can’t understand it. They’ve
been told it was from natural causes; her heart had a disease so it attacked her, it failed her. But that
doesn’t make sense. Her heart was never hostile, it always gave love. She was mum. But they should
have been looking more intently. Then they would have seen her killer. But he will walk free, he will live.

I have been killed today. I do understand it. My heart wasn’t diseased, but it failed. It
couldn’t go on anymore. What was diseased was everything else. It was the innocence he stole from
my babies night after night and my weakness to stop him. It was the depravity in our home. It was
the numerous women and sometimes men that defiled our marriage bed over and over. It was the
heart break; this was not what I signed up for when I said I do. I have been killed today, but he will
walk free. He will live.


Your Eyes

your eyes

I’m afraid to look at the world through your eyes.
I’m afraid of what I’ll see.
I’m afraid that I’ll look in this direction.
What would I see when I look at me?
Maybe I’ll see a beautiful face.
Or maybe a beautiful soul.
Maybe everything you say I am is what I’ll see.
But would that really be me?
Maybe I’ll see a courageous person.
But my insides are really jelly, don’t you see?
Maybe I’ll see a virtuous person.
Are my sins that well hidden from thee?
Maybe I’ll see a great dancer.
But I have two left feet.
I’m afraid to look at the world through your eyes.
But maybe that’s what I need.
To see the world and me from your angle,
And my best, try to be.



It’s been a long time.
It’s been a long time since we got this way.
Although for how long exactly, I can’t really say.
Everything is different, though they look the same.

It’s been a long time.
It’s been a long time since we last shared;
A meal, a secret or even this marriage bed.
Everything looks normal, but everything feels dead.

It’s been a long time.
It’s been a long time since we started to share;
The bills, the silence, and the very air.
Everything is lavish, everything’s a fare!

It’s been a long time.
It’s been a long time since we stopped to care;
You about my late nights, me about the women you store on your phone as “Ben”.
Everything is empty, we just exist in the here.

It’s been a long time.
It’s been a long time since you last acted like my Mr.
It’s been a long time since I last felt like your Mrs.
Everything’s in place, yet everything is missing.

Dawn, Dusk.


My darling one, I’m sorry for leaving you on this day. I’m sorry for putting this permanent stain on such a happy day. I’m sorry for the shadow my leaving will cast on this date every year after this. I’m sorry.

I only just welcomed you to my world and now I’m slipping away from you. Just a few hours some might say, but I’ve known you for two hundred and seventy days more than just today. No other two could have been closer.
We were together every minute of every day. You were in me and I was with you, always. You brought me such joy and hope. There has never been a love more pure.

It breaks my heart to go so soon but there’s really nothing that I can do. I wish I had more time to just be close to you. An hour more to learn the contours of your face, a decade more to learn the pleasant nature of your ways.

I wish I could be there on the day you take your first step, or say your first word. I wish I could be there when you hold your first trophy, sing your first song, meet your first love. I wish I could be there to hold you in my arms when you feel your first heart break.

I’m so glad that we made it to this day together. There were many hurdles, many trying days, many tears. But we made it here. We grew together, feeling the same thirsts and hungers, feeling the same energy burst through us.

I’m so thankful to you for making it to this point with me. It was touch and go for a moment as we laboured and battled for life many hours on the birthing bed. I’m most thankful my precious little one as I close my eyes forever to the world, that for the briefest period I got to see your face and be your mum.


one word

It’s a beautiful day and we have had all the fun in the world. You have done everything right and as usual I have been swept away by you. Everything has been taken into consideration; my love for the beach, my crush on the sunset, my insatiable craving for chicken and fine wine, my feet that can’t stay still at the sound of good music.

You have calculated my every move, you know me so well. You have worn a shirt I’m sure to find irresistible and a perfume that makes me want to hug you. All the songs that have been played are either current or one time favourites of mine, they take me to a happy place in my head.

I should have guessed what all this was about, but nothing could have prepared me for what you just did. The sight of you on one knee in front of me with a beautiful ring between your thumb and index finger has etched itself in my memory. I’m stunned.

I want to jump up and down and embrace you and cry, and then say yes. I want to put on the ring and stare at it in wonder until someone hands me a glass and reminds me to continue celebrating. I want to show my beautiful rock to the whole world, but before I do I have a few questions for you too.

Will it always be me? Will I always be the one to bring the look I see in your eyes today? Will you be patient? Will you try every day to understand that my flaws are part of me? And if you can’t understand me some times, will you love me anyway?

Will you wait for me? If one day you woke up more grown up and mature than me, will you hold out your hand and lead me? Will you fight with me? Against any foe both big and small? Will you be strong enough to let me be your shield? Against all the things I can keep away from you because I’m all you need?

Will you protect me? Will you defend my honour if anyone challenged it? Will you provide for me? All the love and the security that my heart will need? Will you be faithful to me? Even when the sun has set on this body you see?

Will you be honest with me? Will you always talk to me? Even when we’re fighting and our mouths are not speaking, will your heart call to me?

I hope that you can answer these, but before you do please take a heartbeat really think about it. Be sure when you answer and please let your answer be yes to all these.